Sam's Life Hotpot

Blog

  • Daily Gratitude

    09/03/2026

    For breakfast, I had frozen mixed berries, high-protein yogurt, Weet-Bix, and milk. It provided the nutrition I needed and empowered me to start the day strong. A sparrow even visited the garden while I was eating.

  • Reflection on recent Setbacks

    I’ve experienced some setbacks lately. I wasn’t in the mood to focus on the things I was supposed to do; instead, I ended up binge-watching videos. It started with a tiny thought: ‘I’m just watching this while I have lunch’—and you know how that ends. I also had an argument with a friend. At the time, I felt he was getting on my nerves on purpose, but now that I’ve cooled down, I think it may have just been a chance to vent the frustration I felt toward myself for not meeting my own expectations.

    Some good things have happened, though: I’ve maintained my sleep routine consistently and I’ve been reading every night—even if it was only one page sometimes. I also haven’t even thought about increasing my screen time.

    I’ve always been frustrated and angry with myself whenever I experience setbacks, and this time was no exception. This wasn’t ideal, but I guess it’s just part of the journey. I’m not able to regulate my emotions perfectly—no one is, I suppose—but I’m trying to be less angry, in both intensity and duration.

    I’m also viewing this as an experiment. Scientists need to conduct numerous tests to get the results they want, and I’m doing the same. Since I’m aware of potential distractions, I’m trying different strategies to respond to them. For example, the downtime on my electronic devices used to be from 9 p.m. to 6:30 a.m., but I’ve changed it to 9 p.m. to 10:30 a.m. and enabled exceptions for necessary apps. As a result, I can use productive apps like Podcasts and Google Docs, but I can’t access social media. I will constantly review the results and change my strategy accordingly. Until the day I can resist those temptations of my own volition, I find screen time limits to be a useful tool.

  • My Daily Reflection: Handling a Setback

    I scheduled many tasks for yesterday, but things didn’t go according to plan. Instead of reading or practicing shadowing, I used social media from 2:00 PM to 6:30 PM. I had given myself half an hour, but I didn’t stop when time was up.

    However, I didn’t blame myself. I knew there would be setbacks—that is part of the journey. More importantly, I actually stopped when I had dinner. The old me wouldn’t have done that! In addition, I didn’t try to “save” that time by going back to the computer to force some work. I knew I wouldn’t get anything done, and it would only have increased my anxiety (which would just trigger me to avoid the stress by scrolling again).

    After dinner, I decided to go for a walk while calling a friend in Sydney. It took about an hour. When I got back home, I returned to my routine: I left my phone in the living room, had a shower, and prepared for sleep.

    In hindsight, the reason I binged on my phone was likely because I spent too much time editing a blog post earlier. I hadn’t prepared lunch even though my body was signaling hunger. So, after lunch, my brain felt it finally deserved a “reward” for the hard work.

    From now on, I will take a short break every hour to recharge so I can carry on for the rest of the day.

  • Gently Returning: A Farewell to 2025

    Bye, and thanks, 2025.

    Despite the complaints, looking back, I am deeply grateful for 2025. I visited places I had only dreamed of, did things I had always wanted to do, and had so many fascinating experiences I’d never had before.

    But most importantly, I’ve started to build confidence in my ability to change. Even if this confidence is still fragile, I believe it will grow stronger, step by step. 🌱

    In 2025, I began building better habits: listening to podcasts on my walks, working out, watching my diet, and tracking my finances. I started learning to regulate my emotions rather than letting them sweep me away—and I started learning to apologize.

    Meditation, in particular, has been a teacher. It taught me that when my mind wanders, I don’t need to be anxious. I just need to recognize the distraction, and then gently bring my focus back to the present.

    Hello, 2026. Nice to meet you. I hope we have a great time together, even though I hate that you make me older.

    And 2026, relax—you don’t have to be perfect for me. I know you will still bring me anxiety, anger, sadness, and frustration. But I will learn to live with them, in peace and harmony.💙💜❤️

  • My house is burning, and I did not bother to care or escape: why I am writing this blog. 

    Don’t worry, this is just a metaphor. I don’t even have my own house — I’m a renter.

    The reason I’m writing this blog is simple: I live with several mental health issues — depression, ADHD, social and general anxiety, and complex trauma. Maybe it’s because of these diagnoses, or maybe it’s something else — I honestly don’t know. But I used to ruin my own life.

    I finally got into the university and the course I wanted, yet I didn’t attend classes or work on my assignments. I once had a job, but I began taking sick leave almost every day because I could barely sleep five hours a night. It’s not hard to guess what happened next — I failed all six units I was enrolled in and eventually lost my job.

    What scared me the most wasn’t that I messed up my studies and career. It was that I knew the consequences of my actions — or inactions. I knew if I didn’t show up at work or class, I’d fail and lose everything, yet I still didn’t care — or couldn’t act to change it.

    It felt like noticing a small flame in my house. Instead of putting it out immediately, some strange force — my own thoughts or emotions — dragged me down until I was just lying there, watching the fire grow. Only when it nearly burned the house down and blocked all the exits did my survival instinct suddenly awaken, pushing me to escape. Then came the self-blame, regrets, and endless “what ifs,” which pulled me back into paralysis. By the time my survival instinct kicked in again, the house had already collapsed.

    It wouldn’t have been easy to run anyway — my weight had increased a lot due to binge eating. All my efforts came to fruition in August 2024: I lost both my job and my studies. What an achievement.

    And that’s how this blog began. I’ve started to notice progress — real progress — and I genuinely feel more positive about my journey. I want to share that with whoever happens to read this, or simply use this space as a tree hole to record my life.

    I feel positive not because I believe I’ll be free from negative thoughts or become a nonstop productive machine, but because I finally have confidence that I’m on the right path. Even if I wander off, I know I’ll find my way back and keep going.

    The completion of this entry itself is proof — I paused for a while, and I came back, without self-blame, regret, “what ifs,” or the urge to give up.

    9 p.m., October 22, 2025 — at a laundrette in Rome

  • My life feels hard — maybe because I’m living it

    Everything comes with a price—especially the free life I’ve wanted for so long. I chose Darwin for many reasons. To most people, it’s just a name on a map, but for me, it’s where I live every day. Life here is not easy. Maybe I’m not the strongest person, but only now do I see how hard it has been. That’s why I cried so hard tonight.

    Still, I know these struggles are the price I have to pay for the life I want. In that way, I’m actually happy—even while in tears—because it means I’m moving toward my dream. The hardness of it makes it feel real. I need to learn to enjoy this journey. And for the things I don’t have yet, I should be patient—maybe it’s just not the right time for them to come into my life.

    I wrote these feelings back in 2017, when I was studying at university to migrate to Australia. I wanted permanent residency (PR) so badly, but I had to finish my four-year degree first, and I had only just started. Life wasn’t easy at that time: I felt isolated, I was yearning for someone to love me, and I had to cook BBQ stews under Darwin’s harsh sun just to cover rent and groceries. One night, I just cried, asking myself why I had chosen such an exhausting and difficult path, just like the struggles I’d faced before: came out to my family, moved to a new country for love, then moved to another city, then came to Australia. Then I realized it was all because of my own choices. I told myself I should be “happy,” because the pain made it real—it meant I was truly on my way to the life I dreamed of.

    I wanted the PR so badly at that time, and the more eager I was, the more painful life felt. And the more painful it felt, the more eager I became. My life was trapped in an endless circle. Now, I still want so many things in my life, and at the same time, I also feel like I don’t know what I really want. I guess I need to remind myself that I need to be patient—maybe this is just not the right time for me to have it. And time has proved that I will get there one day.